


Dammit, Zsa Zsa!

by carma19



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25828279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carma19/pseuds/carma19
Summary: Sheila’s naughty poodle sneaks something valuable from Beca’s suitcase during an important family affair. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 31
Kudos: 130





	Dammit, Zsa Zsa!

Beca Mitchell loved animals long before her girlfriend entered veterinary school. 

Cats and dogs, mostly. She grew up with both. (Plus, her cool Aunt Tara had a dope-ass chinchilla named Rocky.) 

The Bellas always joked that Beca was more of an animal person than a people person, but animals were more predictable than people. More genuine, without agenda. They had their own distinct personalities and could be counted on to just… be themselves. Skittish, intelligent cats. Loyal-to-the-bone dogs. Even chill as fuck turtles. 

She used to think there wasn’t an animal she couldn’t charm. Dogs were Beca’s weakness, Chloe pointed out every single time they spotted a dog while on a neighborhood stroll or a park date. And as soon as Chloe graduated and they didn’t have to do the long distance thing anymore, they planned to adopt a furry friend. Or two. 

Beca loved all animals. 

Well, except one. 

Fucking _Zsa Zsa_.

Zsa Zsa was Sheila’s white standard poodle. One of three Stepmonsters, as far as Beca was concerned--fur-sister to Sheila’s obnoxious blonde spawn, Jake-the-Mistake and Kelsey. 

Over last Christmas, Zsa Zsa nosed her way into Beca’s guest room and snagged Beca’s Sennheiser Pros from her bedside table, gnawing on the right ear cup and thereby destroying her most expensive pair of headphones. 

Beca refused to forgive the prissy beast. 

“Penny for your thoughts, babe?” Chloe peered at her profile from the backseat of their shared Lyft. 

Beca adjusted her aviators over her nose and shrugged, casting Chloe her best smile when… a cloud of dread swirled overhead, as it always did upon Mitchell family get togethers. “Just kinda wish I could fast forward to tonight. Like--after the dinner and socializing.”

“Mmm… yeah, me too,” Chloe confessed, ratcheting up the cheeriness in an attempt to lift Beca’s spirits. Because she was kind of the best like that. She settled a hand on Beca’s knee. “Hey, I know this isn’t the most ideal mini-getaway for us, but your dad’ll really appreciate having you here for the rehearsal dinner. Then after the wedding tomorrow… you’re free as a bird, we can do anything you want on Sunday.” 

“Anything I want?” Beca’s smile twitched with mischief. 

“Yep,” Chloe said, tossing her a patented Beale wink. “And who knows? You might _actually_ have a good time. I am a pretty fun date, y’know.” 

Chloe wasn’t wrong. Plus, they were adults now, and Beca really tried to put the childhood stepsibling drama behind her.

So Jake the Mistake somehow convinced his future-trophy-wife girlfriend, Mandy, to marry him. 

“Brace yourself, Chlo.” Beca said as they wheeled their weekend bags to the front door. “We’re about to enter a Ken and Barbie convention.” 

Chloe stifled her giggle just as Sheila opened the door, greeting the both of them with exaggerated hugs and tugging them inside. “Beca! Chloe!” 

“Hey, Sheila,” Beca mumbled, knowing she’d have pink lipstick to wipe off her cheek as soon as Sheila turned her back. 

“It’s so lovely to see you girls again. It means the world to us that you flew back out here for Jakey’s big weekend!” 

“We wouldn’t miss it!” Chloe shot back, her smile sincere as always. 

“Aren’t you a peach?” Sheila motioned to the stairs. “You girls go on upstairs to the guest room and freshen up. Dinner’ll be served in twenty minutes or so in the backyard.” 

Dr. Mitchell’s idyllic suburban Atlanta home hosted the bridesmaids and groomsmen, along with immediate family members of the bride and groom. On a muggy July evening, the bridesmaids wore short sundresses while the groomsmen wore pressed khakis and polo shirts or button downs. 

They hurried to change into non-airplane clothes. Chloe wore a yellow and white floral dress and Beca slid into a chic plum-colored romper. 

Crouching beside her unzipped suitcase, Beca cast Chloe a wicked smirk over her shoulder. “Hey babe, guess what I snuck in last minute?”

Chloe stood in front of the dresser mirror, swapping out her stud earrings for a fancier dangly pair. “Hm?” 

Beca managed to school her expression into a nonchalant one as she produced their new favorite strap-on harness in one hand and hot pink fleshy dildo in her other. 

Chloe gasped, an impish grin spreading across her face. “I didn’t know Junior made the flight!” Chloe had enjoyed wearing their new purchase so much that she dubbed the phallus ‘Chloe Junior’ after only one use. 

Beca snorted, shaking her head fondly at the nickname. “I know it’s too risky here, but at the hotel tomorrow?”

“Oh, totes. I’m so game.” With another signature Beale wink, Chloe strutted over in her peep toe wedges and offered Beca a hand up. “C’mon, babe. Junior can wait. We don’t wanna be late for dinner.” 

Beca quickly stashed the goods back into her suitcase and lowered the flap, letting Chloe lead her out of the room. They passed Zsa Zsa on the stairs and while Chloe greeted the dog with an enthusiastic scratch behind her poodley ears, Beca narrowed her eyes. “Stay outta my shit this time,” she grumbled to the dog, giving herself a mental pat on the back for remembering to zip up her headphones in her carry-on backpack. 

She took a deep, steadying breath as they stepped out onto the patio and down the three steps leading to the Mitchells’ fenced-in yard. “Of course Sheila went all out for a rehearsal dinner,” she mumbled to Chloe as they crossed the space toward the lengthy table stretched out parallel to the back of the house, dressed in white tablecloths and exotic floral centerpieces. To the left stood a table stacked with gifts beside another display holding the drinks and glassware. To the right, a three-tiered cake with tropical-colored icing flowers elegantly wrapping around it. She tugged Chloe and nodded her attention toward it. “Jeez, seriously? Check out that cake! Imagine how extra the actual wedding cake is gonna be!”

“ _Shhh_ ,” Chloe admonished with a fond grin, squeezing Beca’s hand. “Good thing it’s Jake and Mandy’s wedding and not yours then, hm?”

A flush settled over Beca’s cheeks and she rolled her eyes. (She had a ring, okay? She was just waiting until her brother’s stressful wedding stuff was over before popping the question!) 

“Let’s take our seats, everyone!” Sheila declared, motioning to the table and signaling to the caterers. “We’re still waiting on a few but they’ll join us as soon as they arrive!” 

Beca managed to bite back her snarky comments about Mandy’s sorority sisters looking like creepy clones of each other as she and Chloe walked around to the far side of the table, winding up toward the center with a view of the back of the house. She kept quiet as she ate her summer salad, amused by Chloe’s animated conversation about music festivals with Mandy across the table. Everyone else seemed caught up in their own small group chats, and Beca figured at least the salad was pretty good. You know, for a salad. 

She zoned out as the caterers served the main course, cutting up her chicken parm and popping a piece into her mouth. She was mid-chew when she caught a glimpse of Zsa Zsa bounding off the porch and into the yard, something hot pink and cylindrical in shape wedged in her jowls. 

Hot pink, cylindrical-shaped, and _familiar._

Chloe Junior.

“Holy fuck,” Beca blurted before she could bite it back, choking on her half-masticated bite of chicken. 

Concerned, Chloe patted Beca’s upper back while everyone else’s attention turned to the coughing and sputtering brunette. 

Face redder than her girlfriend’s hair, Beca shakily reached for her water and took a few chugs, and cut another glance to the dog gleefully frolicking around the open space with _their new dildo_ in her mouth. 

The instant Jake’s bro-bud sitting across from her turned around to follow Beca’s horrified eyes, Beca shot to her feet. 

Chloe blinked up at her in confusion. 

Professor Mitchell cocked his head to the side. “Bec?”

“I, um…” Beca licked her suddenly very dry lips, suddenly very aware that everyone was staring at her. She realized a beat later the attention was far better than everyone noticing Zsa Zsa’s new favorite toy. “I thought I’d... make a toast?” She hastily plucked up her champagne flute.

Amusement danced in Chloe’s eyes and she beamed up at Beca, squeezing her hand in support.

Jake and Mandy brightened. 

(Dammit.)

“So, um. It’s… lovely being here tonight with all of you.” She emitted a soft puff of a self-deprecating chuckle. “Sorry, my girlfriend’s normally the expert toast-giver. Ah… Jake, you’ve always been a pain in my ass.” She flashed an apologetic wince at her dad. “But in a good way? I mean, you really… y’know, toughened me up for dealing with douchebags in the real world…” 

Thankfully, everyone around the table laughed at that, including Jake and Mandy. 

Beca’s eyes flickered upward to find Zsa Zsa running in a figure-8 pattern around the open yard space between their dinner table and the porch; she snapped her gaze back to the twenty-some people waiting for her to continue. “Right, so. As Jake’s _loving_ stepsister, I wanted to wish him and his future bride all the happiness in the world. To Jake and Mandy. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” Chloe and the rest of the table echoed. 

Only Beca knew it would only be a matter of seconds before someone spotted Zsa Zsa running around carrying a dildo like a goddamn bone, so she needed to act… while continuing to distract. 

“That was pretty nice, Becky.” Jake cast her a grin. 

“Yeah, don’t mention it.” Beca flashed a nervous smile, brain scrambling for a diversion. “I gotta, um--head to the restroom.” She pitched her voice louder on purpose. “Oh hey, Chlo? Why don’t you tell everyone about that time we dove off an exploding yacht?” 

Once again, Beca’s words stunned everyone into silence.

Chloe blinked in confusion but noted the panic in Beca’s eyes, never questioning her girlfriend’s motives and always trying to follow along for her sake, no matter the situation. “Oh, okay! So… I guess I should start by explaining how Beca and I are world-champion Barden Bellas…” 

Beca squeezed Chloe’s shoulder before hurrying around the table, glaring daggers at the naughty poodle. “Get over here, you mangy thief!” she hissed, chasing after the dog for a few laps in the yard before Zsa Zsa scurried up the porch and back into the house. 

Zsa Zsa bounded into the kitchen, running circles around the counter island and damn near knocking over one of the caterers while Beca tried to catch her.

“Give me that! This isn’t a game! You’ve got, like--eight million dog toys, dude!” Beca cried as she kicked off her shoes in an attempt to not break her ankle while tailing the dog. “Shit, sorry!” she gasped to the caterer, grumbling as Zsa Zsa escaped the kitchen and fled into the living room. Beca puffed out a breath as she hurried after the pooch. “I swear to god, devil dog… if there are permanent teeth marks in my brand new-- _Grandma!_ ”

“Beca, sweetheart!” Margie Mitchell stood from the couch and folded Beca into a delicate hug, pulling back and holding her at arm's length. “Oh it’s _so good_ to see you.”

“Same!” She hitched her thumb toward the backdoor. “Everyone’s eating out back, did you just get here?”

“I did,” Grandma Margie confirmed. “But I’m not a big fan of the heat so I figured I’d eat in here and join everyone for dessert.” She motioned to her plate on the coffee table. 

Zsa Zsa sat obediently nearby, watching the exchange with Chloe Junior still held captive in her bite. 

Normal dogs would drop the toy for a shot at snagging some human food.

But not Zsa Zsa, who clearly preferred making Beca’s life hell. 

Luckily, Grandma Margie seemed oblivious to Beca’s current stress. “Your father told me you’re bringing that sweet girl with you to the wedding tomorrow,” she said, reaching out to run her fingers through Zsa Zsa’s fur. She didn’t seem to notice the _shape_ of the toy lodged in her mouth, and Beca could swear Zsa Zsa _smiled_ up at Beca through the bite. 

Beca shot a murderous look at the dog before she snapped her gaze back to her grandmother and softened. “Oh, Chloe? Yep! She’s here. She’s super excited to meet you, too.” 

“Oh, how wonderful! And your father showed me your music videos on the YouTubes!” Grandma Margie burst, eyes shining with pride. “I always knew you were destined for greatness with that singing voice of yours.” 

A flush brightened on Beca’s cheeks. “Aw, thanks, Grandma. It’s been kind of a long road and a super weird couple of years. But I’m actually planning on transitioning back to producing after--”

Zsa Zsa took off back outside once the caterer opened the door.

“Shit. Sorry, Grandma! Be back in a little bit!” Beca scrambled after the dog, her heart once again hammering in her chest. 

Before she headed back outside, though--she made a quick detour to the laundry room, where she snagged one of Sheila’s organic-vegan-whole-grain-whatever-the-fuck 20 dollar dog bone treats she _knew_ Zsa Zsa couldn’t resist. As soon as Beca dashed down the porch steps to find Zsa Zsa once again playing Keep Away with Junior, Chloe’s voice hit her ears.

“--so Amy crashed through the ceiling, hit her dad and his goons with fire extinguisher spray, and--”

 _Shit._ Chloe’s story was almost finished. The guests focused intently on Chloe, their mouths agape and eyes varying degrees of bugged out with shock over the harrowing tale. 

Beca grimaced, and knowing Zsa Zsa wouldn’t give up the toy so easily--she threw a Hail Mary.

Literally.

“--then Beca just managed to pull Amy off the boat while the yacht BURST into flames!” 

“ _Psst!_ ” Catching Zsa Zsa’s attention, Beca reared back and flung the overpriced dog treat across the yard. 

Palpable relief flooded Beca when Zsa Zsa _finally_ dropped the sex toy into the grass, until--

“Oh shit,” Beca breathed, her jaw falling slack when the dog treat landed lodged in the three-tiered cake…

...and the poodle launched herself, seemingly in slow-motion, directly at the cake table.

Sheila’s voice cried out, catching the action out of the corner of her eye. “ _Zsa Zsa, nooooo!_ ” 

A collective gasp echoed through the party as the 40-something pound dog slammed into the table and knocked over the cake. She happily rolled around in it, colorful dyed icing matting in her white fur. 

While the party stared at the cakey chaos in shock, Beca took a few sly strides forward and discreetly picked up the hot pink dildo, holding it behind her back. 

Professor Mitchell shot Beca a curious look. As if he _knew_ the cake fiasco was her fault, somehow.

Beca simply offered what she hoped was a confused, sympathetic shrug. 

Chloe hurried up to her and took her upper arm. “What _happened?_ Are you okay?” 

“ _I’m_ fine,” Beca insisted, glancing both ways before handing off the dog slobber-coated dildo (with a few blades of grass stuck along its length) to her girlfriend.

Chloe blinked down to the slimy toy and pulled a face. “ _Eugh!_ What-- _How_ \--”

“That goddamn dog,” Beca grumbled, shaking her head. “I swear to god…”

Putting the pieces together, Chloe threw back her head and burst out laughing. “Oh my god, Bec. How’d she get into your stuff _again?_ It’s fine, we’ll clean it.” She hurriedly wrapped the dildo in the cloth napkin she’d carried with her, unable to fully stop her giggling.

Beca groaned. “Nope. I don’t care if you boil that thing and sterilize it perfectly. Never using it again.” 

Chloe wrapped her arm around Beca’s middle and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Challenge accepted,” she said with a warm wink as she tugged Beca toward the house. “Now c’mon, let's bring Junior back upstairs and actually _zipper_ her away in your bag.” 

Sighing, Beca nodded. “Oh, um--here, let me hold that.” She took the napkin-covered toy and tucked it beneath her arm for safekeeping. “First I gotta introduce you to Grandma Margie…”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! All feedback is appreciated. Connect with me on Tumblr @ starlightscape :D


End file.
